Ideas for EastEnders stag night bender

It’s the wedding of the year. Yes, soap opera royalty – EastEnders’ Phil Mitchell (Steve McFadden) is reportedly marrying Queen Vic barmaid Shirley Carter (Linda Henry) on the same day as that other famous couple Prince William and Kate Middleton walk down the aisle – April 29. What a big day.

So what will the famous or infamous EastEnders’ hardman be doing for his stag weekend? Here’s a few stag party ideas for BBC scriptwriters to ponder over:

1. Clay Pigeon shooting. Phil is no stranger to firearms. ‘Who shot Phil’ was one of the show’s biggest storylines. Phil may need reminding, of course, that he is firing the gun, not being the target.

2. Rally Driving. Phil, who was involved in a high-speed car chase with his on-screen brother Grant (Ross Kemp) that was watched by over 19 million viewers, may like to remember his brother with a rally driving experience. This time without a splash in the Thames.

3. Zorbing. With armed robbery, a cocaine habit, adultery and attempted murder, to name but a few plot lines, Phil’s life is a proverbial roller coaster, so bouncing around in a zorb would be a sea of tranquillity for Phil and his friends. Or should we say friend?

4. Tank Driving. Phil’s screen brother Grant, actor Ross Kemp, left EastEnders to make real-life award-winning documentaries in Afghanistan, so Phil could display his military credentials by driving tanks – just in case he comes to a sticky end on the show and needs a second career.

5. Airsoft. Phil’s brother Grant is reportedly in Brazil. He is sure to return one day and no doubt he will be gunning for Phil, so a little training in tactics and team work on an airsoft course may come in handy. Just be sure not to invite Grant.

6. Ballooning. It is possible to see London’s skyline in a balloon. The ideal opportunity for Phil to reveal to his friends where he’s buried all the bodies of those friends who would have otherwise been at his stag party.